November 29, 2018 12:26 am
Well, for starters, I'm tired. And even though I don't go to work until 4:00 tomorrow afternoon, I can't really sleep in tomorrow morning because I have to take my car in to Walt's Garage in Kenmore when they open by 7:30. I need an inspection this month.
10:08 am
And... we're back!
Not just back to this post, but also back from Walt's Garage.
I more-or-less lucked out that I could pass the inspection without any real additional expenses, other than a much needed oil change as well. So, $60. Although, on the horizon - namely, January 2019 (i.e. after Christmas shopping) - I should look into replacing my rear tires and also getting a battery. Urg.
The usual game of Life, etc.
But, that's not what I'm here to blog about!
As I've been mentioning in my most recent blog posts (which you can see the links for on my A Rambling Wastrel, I* blog in the margin under "2018 50K Writing Challenge"), I've been checking out the various posts I've started at all three of my blogs and trying to finish some of them off in an effort to tie up loose ends and also move towards my goal of writing 50,000 words for the year. This has forced me to sort of check out the previous content of my own blogs, something I kind of took for granted.
I think my general mindset towards my three main blogs is that I never really post enough content to justify any sort of readership, with the exception - arguably, possibly, maybe - of my movie blog, Behold! the Wannabe Filmmaker/Etc., which, although, is also woefully poor in consistent updates, at least does have a handful of movie reviews, so there is some genuine content that is useful to any possible readers. And, that impression of my blogs having inconsistent postings (at best) is fairly accurate when I look at the posting histories for my blogs. I've never posted even once/month at any of the blogs, let alone all three, and even if I were to accomplish that - posting monthly - even that is the barest minimum output. Yeah, of the three blogs, over the past decade, it seemed 6-8 posts was generally my maximum number for the year, but not the norm. Apparently, I'd post less than five times, and most likely even post only once for the year. Or not at all. One blog had a stretch of a few years with zero activity. So, Time flies and seems to be getting away from me, at the very least example, in terms of producing content for my blogs. Except for one year, 2007, when I had 22 entries at A Rambling Wastrel, I*. But, checking some of my posts, I see why I was so arguably productive. At the time I was trying to both 1) lose weight and 2) write a post a day (the so-called "365 challenge"). So, I attempted posting weekly weight updates and also just tried to write daily content.
Obviously, that didn't work, except for creating 4-5x more blog posts compared to my other two blogs. Of course, that ain't saying much.
Anyway, moving on, it's interesting reading some of these past posts and seeing where my mind was at. Some of the details of my life or some of the things I was thinking/obsessing about, sometimes I've completely forgotten them. On the other hand, some of the posts are sometimes very deja vu. I'd read it and then think, "Didn't I just read the same idea or subject elsewhere on my blogs, but from eight months ago, or two years ago? Or, uh... last week?" Perhaps, instead of "deja vu" I should call this Kimmel's New Year's Resolution Syndrome. It seems every damn year, my resolutions are essentially reiterations of the previous year's resolutions. The same with my blog posts: I post so infrequently, I think I don't progress too much in my writing, so I'm always hovering around the same frame of mind when I do get around to writing, so the same ideas still wind up on the page. If that makes any sense. Actually, I know what I'm trying to say here and... it's actually incorrect. Just because I write infrequently doesn't mean when I do write I have to start all over again. But, that's what I seem to be doing. My mindset kind of stays the same. I'm not moving forward creatively, which is why my basic set of creative objectives always stay frozen in time.
*sad face*
As for forgetting things, well, I'm not really surprised, in theory. The main reason I started these blogs was to chronicle parts of my life because I tend to act (and remember) impulsively, and I remember seemingly only in short-term mode. Sure, "short-term" is subjective in terms of how long that means. I'm thinking the short-term is becoming to mean something VERY short-term. I just can't remember shit anymore.
Which is another reason for me to grab more sleep in general, in order to improve my memory and also my health. Ahhh... I'm a self-destructive schmuck.
Anyway, there are concerns or obsessions I seem to have (mostly about projects, ideas I have) that I repeat here in my blogs, but these projects never seem to come to any fruition, because eventually I lose interest, or more likely, I compulsively latch onto another obsession and the previous subject never surfaces again.
Typically for me, whenever I'm trying to work on a creative project, that usually means it's either a comic book or film. If it's a film, I'm then typically operating under a tight deadline, like, trying to come up with a short film entry for a BM-VM film contest. Or, if it's a comic book idea, then instead of a deadline, my mood is simply being just sick and tired of not having produced any drawing or writing and so I impatiently want to "whip" something out comic book-wise. Even if it's just one-page. And in this case, my own example of success in terms of producing something relatively quickly happened only once, and, like, 35 freaking years ago, when I was a graphics editor for the Buffalo State College Record, their school newspaper. On this fateful day in the early 80s, I created this elaborate comic strip in a single afternoon, from blank page and idea to finished product because I had to in order to make the day's deadline. You can see the comic at this post.
But, years later, as my artistic inertia has set in and I produce any kind of art so infrequently, the idea of my creating another finished page of comic art seems like an elusive holy grail, but somehow also achievable because, I did achieve it once with that damn first offering of Interplanetary Romances.
Dammit!
Anyway, that history of mine is a paradoxical albatross/talisman for me: my past heroic accomplishment(s) haunt me because I can't seem to live up to it/them, but they also give me hope because I have physical evidence that I CAN produce art when need be. I just need to get back into that cycle of self-discipline.
Bla bla bla...
Having said all that, here's my "latest impulsive compulsion."
So, recently, I was having my usually frustrated, impulsive bouts of trying to come up with a quick idea to draw something. It was for this year's Drawlloween/Inktober and I had a drawing idea that was inspired not only by Warren magazines and Heavy Metal magazine covers, but especially fueled by the influence of Eerie Publication covers. I think I craved the artistic excellence of Warren/HM, but was entertained by the ridiculous excess (and cynicism) of the visual overload of a traditional Eerie Pub cover, where usually three (or more) different types of monsters (traditionally a vampire, wolfman and Frankenstein's creature) somehow co-exist and intermingle, and also scantily clad and screaming female victims are subjected to some atrocity, like being hatcheted, eaten, ground to meat, etc. So, my idea was basically a sexy female "Angel of Vengeance" type from the future rescuing scantily clad women from the likes of a bulging-eyed vampire and a werewolf, while Frankenstein's creature is being decimated by the Angel's laser/flamethrower device. The elements to this composition just sounded pleasing. But, the scenario seemed like it could have some narrative legs, too. And after thinking about it, I came up with the idea of the Time Sarcophagus. So, now I also had a comic book story idea, or at least a character for such a story. (NOTE: Originally I called it the Time Coffin, which I think sounds better than Time Sarcophagus. Unfortunately, doing a little research on the internet, Time Coffin is also the name of some foreign metal band, I think... So, I didn't want to potentially confuse anybody by adding yet another time coffin to the mix and the internet, so i changed the name. However, the positive consequence of a different name is that I think the concept of a sarcophagus pushed me to imagine a much grander and ornamentally denser visual representation of this time machine. Hey! I just tried to find a link for this supposed Time Coffin metal band and I couldn't locate it! Maybe I made it up! Or something, but, hell! If there is some sort of something using the name of Time Coffin, it's apparently not as obvious to google as I thought. Meaning, I don't feel like I'm stealing the name (I came up with it on my own, anyway) NOR infringing on "their" territory, since I can't readily find "them" on the net, anyway. So, I'm back to using Time Coffin as the title! AND I'm still keeping my more elaborate ideas for decorating/designing the time machine, the heck! #OldGuyDoesLittleHappyDance).
So, this whole initial thought process came up during October. Time Sarcophagus still takes up my thoughts. And as 2018 counts down, my anxious interest in creating some new kind of comic book art before the year ends has also been increasing in intensity.
And yesterday, at work, for the first time I had a strange calm and a rare sense of self-confidence that I could pull this off, writing, drawing, then self-publishing an issue of Time Sarcophagus.
So, yay for that wave of self-confidence. To be honest, I don't know where that attitude came from, but it was distinct and enjoyable.
Having said that, I still haven't drawn anything yet.
BUT, while I was at Walt's this morning waiting for my car to be inspected, I did spend some time thinking about ideas for a time sarcophagus comic and writing them down. And, I was rather impressed with myself, so to speak. not so much that I was having great, brilliant ideas, but that I was having some constructive ideas that would be good material to work with on a variety of levels, narratively and artistically. I had a number of workable ideas to set up my basic premise for the main character and the strip. I also had some interesting ideas I could play with in terms of a story arc to further develop the main character's personal dynamics and history. I also did a little organizing of some other project ideas, although superficially so in comparison to the work I did for Time Coffin.
I have so many notebooks filled with ideas and notes for various projects, comics and film, I try to focus one notebook to a project, but I'm not organized/disciplined enough to do that. But, I'm going to keep trying.
I tore out one page of very brief notes on my Apple Corps Comic story, "Once Upon a Time in the Backyard" (and which I still have to really get going on) and put that page into another notebook which I established as my Apple Corps Comic story notebook. I also found a brief description for another comic book story concept, Interminable, and I wrote down some structural ideas for that project. So, my time spent at Walt's was very productive, I thought. Which was both a positive and joyous realization, but also a little slap in the head, because my productiveness this morning underscored why I need to develop a discipline to set aside time and WORK on my art projects on a regular basis because the advantage of working with a set amount of time to sit back and explore, etc. is undeniable. Instead, I blow my free time on watching porn lately!
Porn videos!
WTF, Kimmel! What. The. Fuck.
I confess this dark preoccupation I've been having with a lot of shame. I need to just stay away from that stuff because it becomes all-consuming and contaminating, especially of my time, not to mention my general outlook.
Well. THAT took a dark turn, didn't it? Sorry.
Anyway, I really don't have time to waste. If I'm not working on my art projects, I should then be cleaning up my work space, in order to better work on my art projects! And if I'm not cleaning up and organizing my work space, I should go to bed. OMG, this post took forever partly because I was zoning out and dozing off at times.
Grrr...
Alright, I should go, there's other shit (chores, etc.) I NEED to do before I go to work today.
(... to be continued...)
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
OCTOBER 2018: DRAWLLOWEEN/INKTOBER
Friday, Oct 5, 2018 9:38 pm
Dear Diary:
So... the difference between “theory” and “execution,” “imagination” and “reality.”
Ugh.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
For the last few years, every time October has come around, I’ve thought about trying to participate in either the Drawlloween or Inktober challenges. This year is no different. In fact, I’ve mentioned that I was going to attempt this drawing quest to Lady Bleudragon, my fellow comrade in comics creation (theoretically... maybe more on that later) and Zombie Dawn, a horror movie blogger who I’ve met on-line this year thanks to Mermaid Heather, another horror movie blogger. Dawn has been discovering her inner artist this year, and considering the Halloween themes that come up during Drawlloween (well, duh!) and Inktober, I thought she might be interested in these interactive events, hence.
Anyway, getting back to me. In the past, I’ve talked about doing one or the other challenge, but I really never produced much at any time. This is similar to my attempts at doing the NaNoWriMo challenge in November in past years, not much has come of it. But, hell, what else is new (for me)?
But, this year was a sort of weird moment in my life, partly triggered by my having my 40th high school reunion over the summer. In addition, last September I started a new job as a "shopping cart attendant" at a local grocery store. After over a year of unemployment (July 2016 – Sept. 2017) after the company I worked at finally went under (a weekly shopper paper that I worked at since 2003), getting this grocery store job was an interesting experience. It was humbling because it was a sort of entry level job, at least that’s how I thought of it: usually high school/college age students work the job and here I was some 57 year-old doing it. But, it was also kind of great to be working with younger people. And interacting with customers. And working outside constantly. And walking a LOT. So, all these elements combined into an intriguing dynamic. And after a few months, the physical aspects of the job made an impact: I lost about 15 lbs.
So, anyway, all that made me feel like I was starting over again. I was leaner, I was working with youthful people and feeling some renewed confidence in my abilities at work. Plus, my 40th reunion made me extremely nostalgic for those times I went to college: first, to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh (a 2 yr. Associate's Degree in Visual Communications that I didn’t finish) and second, to Buffalo State College (a Bachelor's Degree in Design, which I also didn’t complete... hmmm, a running theme through my life, it appears).
AUGHHH!!!
I’M writing this and I'm boring the SHIT out of me!
Maybe I’ll get back to what I was saying, but right now, know this: I had all sorts of plans to draw and/or ink every day this month and it’s Day 5 and I’ve done ZIP so far.
This diary exercise is meant as an accessory document to chronicle my efforts, besides just posting these supposed drawings, etc.
Tuesday, Nov 20 8:04 am
HAHAHAHAHA!
Really? A month and a half later?HAHAHAHAHA!
Well, I'm just looking at some unfinished posts I've started (oh, this isn't the ONLY one).
Let me wrap this up real quick.
I didn't draw ONE DAMN THING all October.
Lots of ideas. No follow-through.
However, not to end on a completely (and typically) depressing note, last night was the November meeting of the Buffalo Movie-Video Makers and I actually finished an entry for our annual Shorty Film Contest!
The film was called THE MAGIC ROOM.
Whenever there's a film contest at BM-VM, I always have some sort of idea of a contest entry leading up to the deadline, but I rarely follow through. Part of this is my traditional inaction, but part of it is also my tendency to always have large, impractical ideas and not really enough time to properly complete the idea.
Anyway, like the one film I did for a Shorty Contest years ago (NOTE: A so-called "shorty" is a short film no longer than 5 minutes)(and it turns out it was five years ago. Holy crap! Time freaking flies, yo!), this turned out to be another effort where I'm mostly shooting documentary footage (i.e. birds in the backyard feeders).
Ultimately, the positive takeaway from this was; I FINISHED AN ENTRY (technically) AND SCREENED IT AT THE MEETING LAST NIGHT.
YES!
That's always the biggest hurdle.
I need to keep jumping over this first hurdle: finishing an idea, following through on an idea.
the next step is assessing what I've completed and improving on it.
As it is, I'm already thinking of "remaking" THE MAGIC ROOM, because the film I finished (barely) last night before going to the meeting was deeply flawed on several levels, technically and aesthetically. But, I won't go into that now and especially on this blog. If I do post something about me kvetching about the film's "defects", it'll be over at THIS blog o'mine.
Alright, I'm going to end this now before I go meandering in another direction needlessly.
Maybe my next post I'll actually get around to discussing "the difference between 'theory' and 'execution,' 'imagination' and 'reality.' "
Although, hell... I feel that's a running theme through my life as well, not so much the difference but the creative tension between both... what?...disciplines? Methods of approaching things? Let's go with method of approaching things. The constant creative tension between my methods of approaching things and only focusing on the safer and comparatively lazier activities of theorizing and coming up with ideas and rarely exerting myself consistently to test/practice these theories or make tangible these persistent but non-existent ideas.
More later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)