The Apple Corps! Issue 1: “My brain is wrestling with itself!”

I really don’t want to take a lot of time writing this post, so to catch people up, check out these links out first: The Apple Corps! Issue 0 and my FebComChall.

Yesterday we had another meeting of the AC, we being LT and I. WE have been meeting regularly ever since I first posted about our meetings. I just never followed up on it.
Anyway, during my disability leave since Dec. 14, 2009, we started meeting on Fridays during the day, because I was already off and LT happened to work only until 2:00 pm Fridays. Generally, “during the day” means earlier than 7:00 pm, which is when are meetings usually seemed to start prior to my surgery. So, we’re talking between 3:00 and 4:00. I shoot for 3:00, but usually get there late(r), LT usually beats me there, adjusting for my proclivity for tardiness, yet still waiting for me because I’m Lucifer personified when it comes to “apunctuality.” Then we usually leave around 9 pm when they close the upstairs café at Wegman’s.

Well, anyway, next week will be our last Friday “day,” since I return to work the following Monday (March 8).

Bla bla bla.

So, the last couple meetings I’ve been supposedly working on this FebComChall story.
I thought I got off to a good start last meeting, which is when LT flipped through the National Geographic magazine and I slyly picked the Kahlua ad on the back cover.
(In fact, it occurs to me now, typically, THAT particular post probably should have been “The Apple Corps! Issue 1!” Ah, well.)

I thought I moved along pretty well coming up with ideas “inspired” by that ridiculous ad (ridiculous to be used for a comic book story, that is) at that meeting, and I was pretty sure I’d have my outline finished by the end of the meeting.
That didn’t happen.
I got sidetracked by trying to get some work done on this other commitment (the CD design).
But also, part of me thought I should work on some other story, specifically a fragment of something I’ve already started.
This seems to be part of my trademark modus operandi in terms of “my most common ways of not finishing something”: either 1) jump ship from one project and work on something else I’ve started before, or 2) jump ship from one project and start on something else, but completely from scratch, and work on that.
Of course, finish none of them.

Man, I SO want to do that now.

So, this is what’s going through my head today and as a game plan for this weekend.
By the end of this weekend, I commit to a storyline AND come up with an outline for my FebComChall story.
Right now, three stories are dueling in my head.
They are:
The Kahlua ad inspired story.
A unfinished story I started years ago called “Trisa”, that LT knows about because supposedly it was something I was working on before we even splintered off to be the AC (Man..! That is so pathetic…)
A brand new story that I was wrestling with the week before last week’s AC meeting where I picked the Kahlua ad. This particular story, with the cryptic working title, “El Tiara,” was an attempt to write a story for my FebComChall. If anything, I probably should have done LAST weekend what I plan to do THIS weekend: uh… that is, what I said before—commit to a storyline AND come up with an outline for my FebComChall.
The difference being, I should never have done the National Geographic thing. I should’ve just picked one of these other two stories.
But I was so whiny at the meeting, the National Geographic Story Generator Roulette suggestion was LT’s in her effort to help me out and crack the whip, and I simply went along with it.

Hmph.

So, I have three stories dueling in my head.
Since I damn well ain’t going to have my FebComChall actually done by the end of February (uh, which is tomorrow), I’d like to at least have my story chosen and outlined before the end of February.
That will have been some real progress. For me.

Here are the story candidates and their specific pros and cons (in order of “seniority”):

1. “Trisa”
This is a sort of post-apocalyptic tale in a microcosm setting. Basically, someone has set off this nerve gas bomb at a political rally in the city. It seems like a terrorist attack, but from within our country, not foreign forces.
The drug seems to affect people by reducing them to a feral state. Obviously, there’s some 28 DAYS LATER/modern zombie-genre/THE CRAZIES vibe to this.
I imagined a research/medical/homeland security setting where a number of different people are housed: doctors, soldiers, civilians/patients.
But there are some additional secrets behind the nerve gas and what it does, behind the motivations of the terrorist attack.
I more or less know the beginning and ending of the story, but the middle needs some developing. Because I more or less have an ending for this story, this makes “Trisa” a front running story candidate for me.

2. “El Tiara”
This story just sort of came up in my head, and actually, I should say these characters just came up, because I’m actually flailing around trying to GIVE them a story.
I came up with the barest nothing of an idea for two characters some time ago, months ago. But nothing came of it.
Then, two weeks ago, while trying to commit to something for my FebComChall, I decided to try and throw something together with these two characters. As I started working on the story and dialogue, I grew to like the characters more, but seemed less successful with any sort of story for them to operate in.
If anything, what little I have reveals my totally arbitrary, absurd philosophy of plotting and character development—just keep making stuff up and think of things I want to draw and throw that in, too. See if I can somehow be 100% arbitrary AND still have it make some sense… which sounds stupid, but to be honest, I’ve recently realized that this reveals a strong philosophic approach to Life, that I find things in the world absurd, and our challenge living here is to find meaning in these absurdities, because contrarily, I also feel that Life is NOT meaningless. Really, but—huh? That’s just the way it is, baby.
I guess that’s another way of saying that I think our view of the world is so limited, that what we think is meaningful may actually be shortsighted.
Perhaps, ultimately, I may discover that Life was never absurd, but my various attempts to define meaning with my puny experience and narrow perspective on things WAS absurd.
As a sort of example of this, when Galileo’s objective studies in astronomy led him to believe the heliocentric view that the Sun (and not the Earth) was actually the center of our “universe,” this proved to be problematic for philosophers and leaders of the Church at the time who felt that the logical conclusion of their belief systems was that everything revolved around the Earth (the geocentric view, natch!).

Whatever.

Anyway, the basic elements of “El Tiara” are: romance between the protagonists, Marty and Dr. Marisol Fleming; bizarre secrets; action; horror; softcore pornography; and a malevolent metallic lifeform (an unholy rip-off hybrid of TRANSFORMERS and THE CARS THAT ATE PARIS—and my inspiration for the latter flick are posters and photos since I’ve never seen the movie. Okay! I haven’t seen the two Transformer movies either, but I basically know what Transformers are!).
The problem is I have no real story. I just like the characters.

“The Savage World of Planet Venarus!”
This is actually the working title for my “Kahlua ad” story. Yeah.
Where it stands now, it has a sort of total plotline to it, and by “total,” I mean it has a (rough) beginning, middle and end. However, my stumbling block is that the setting, a pre-historic alien world, seems to beg for more explanation for my characters and settings. So, though I only want to do a regular size comic book, like, 22 pages, this threatens to go much longer than that.
It features vampire-like creatures, shapeshifting humanoids, a sort of pulpy Edgar Rice Burroughs meets Warren horror comics (Creepy, Eerie and Vampirella) meets Heavy Metal magazine.
(Meanwhile, I’m sure LT is reading this and going, “Are we still talking about the same Kahlua ad I was looking at???”)

Part of me says, go with seniority and finish “Trisa.”
Part of me likes the lunacy of what I’ve come up with for “El Tiara.”
Part of me says, stick with “The Savage World of Planet Venarus,” because it’s the most recent thing I’ve started, PLUS I started it with LT’s suggestion and she was there when I “picked” the page of the magazine she flipped, and ALSO, screw “seniority”! If this whole exercise is to FINISH something, then, I’ve already started it. Now FINISH it!
And if it turns out sucky because I’m cutting corners to get things done, the point IS to get it DONE. If I feel that strongly about its suckiness, and I can always redo certain pages for a future date.
Okay.
Also, it’s not like I don’t want to do the other stories, or that by choosing one of them, I’m throwing away the other ideas. That’s not the case. I intend to finish those, too.
So stop dawdling and finish this ONE story and start by doing the freaking outline now, jerk!

Huh.

I guess I picked my story.

FebComChall: Well, I made SOME progress yesterday..!

Yes, that lame acronym is for the February Comic Book Challenge.

Very quickly, yesterday the Apple Corps had a short meeting, shortened because of me. I wanted to go to a play at Hilbert College (Buffalo Laboratory Theater's "Cyrano"), so I had to leave at 7:00. We usually go until they close up the upstairs cafe at Wegman's around 9:00 pm.

Plus, I shortened it even more (well, my end of it) by showing up over an hour later than the time I told LT I was going to be there. I thought I'd be there by 3:00, and I got there at 4:20.

Man, I am SO unpunctual since I've been on disability and not going to work!
The biggest challenges I have time-wise is twice a week going to Physical therapy, and I'm glad I get there on the DAY of my appointment! My therapists are all sweetie-pies, but total enablers.
"Hi, I'm sorry I'm late! I'm, like, an hour after I was supposed to be here... should I just go away or come back or what?"And they usually laugh and say it's okay, just sit down and we'll heat up your arm.
I'm totally spoiled.
That first day... hell, WEEK that I'm back to work is going to be brutal.

Anyway, so I got to the AC meeting very late.
And I was kvetching to LT about how much I suck (because I do...). I had gotten nowhere with my damn FebComChall (ugh!)(re: that acronym, not the challenge itself).
I said, I just need to crap something crappy out, but that has a beginning, middle and end.
I just need to finish something, even if it's awful-- because that's my huge problem: being unable to finish ANYTHING.
So, LT goes, alright, then we'll find something for you to do your simple story on. She was holding a copy of the National Gepographic in her hand. She started flipping pages.

LT: "Say when."
Uh..!
She had already flipped through the book a couple times while staring at me.
Finally, I focused on the book, and when she started flipping, I took a breath and said, "When!"
And she had flipped through the entire book already (well, it's not like it was as thick as the Bible or a Funk and Wagnalls). So...I got stuck with the Kahlua ad on the back cover.
So, I read the ad copy.
Hmph.
And I started writing my story.
I took some liberties with the story "materials" being given to me, mind you, but I kinda sorta have a general story.
So, with LT as my ongoing witness/beta, or whatever you wanna call it, I'm going to rough out an outline by per page breakdown this weekend and then start drawing up some character sketches and doing some writing. Should be... interesting.
More to come.

And thanks, LT!
And sorry, as usual, for always keeping you waiting at Wegman's!

I suck!

Meanwhile, another distraction...

...although, this sort of distraction is a little more productive than my USUAL distractions from my creative projects.
While trying to do this FebComChall (see previous couple posts), a friend of mine who sings in a local blues band asked me to do a cover design for the CD they're working on.
So, that's a potentially cool gig.

Anyway, I've been hassling with that for the last few days.
I had some half-baked ideas... well, one actually... so I wasn't too thrilled with my progress, but in the last 24 hours I had some ideas that seemed...uh... MORE baked, and more practical as a "concept."
I even think I figured out a way to utilize the half-baked idea (at least for a concept) to good effect as a detail for my newer concepts.
Am I being suitably vague for you, gentle reader? Hahaha..!
Anyway, this is a good development since, you know, I have to see the customer this week.
Man, I've been so iffy on my output as an artist, I'm still pretty anxious on successfully pulling this off, but the situation is just the right combination of familiarity (I know the guy) and challenge (I don't know the rest of the band, so it IS like having a "real" client, plus my regular completion/deadline issues), that I'm fortunate to have this opportunity.

Speaking of which... I should get my ass back to working on this thing.
Right now, the trick is trying to figure out how to execute the ideas in my head into reality...

More later.

Dammit! (Cussin' for a variety of reasons...)

February 11, 2010

First off:
There was this cool-ass "gadget" that I tried to use on my blog, but I eventually removed it because for some reason, I couldn't get it to work.
It was a clock.
It was counting down to the end of the month-- a countdown for my February Comicbook Challenge.
As far as I could tell, I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to, and then saving it. But everytime I refreshed the blog, the "clock" would always zero out.
Damn you!
DAMN YOU!
So, if you're at all wondering how many days I have left..? Grab a calendar and some fingers and start counting.

Second off:
Regarding this friggin' so-called February Comicbook Challenge-- I'm so f***ing lame and not getting anywhere with it, it's ridiculous!
Dammit!
DAMMIT!

Third off:
Oh. Happy 50th Birthday to me.

Later.

PS. On a totally different subject: I saw the SLIME CITY MASSACRE premiere for the Buffalo cast and crew tonight! It was held at the Market Arcade theaters downtown.
It was pretty good!
I actually have a credit in the film, too!
But, I only worked one day on the damn thing.
Writer/director Greg Lamberson actually asked me if I wanted to be an extra and killed on camera, which would've been SWEET, but I couldn't get my shit and schedule worked out (we're talking summer 2009, which is when shooting was happening).
I was there for one day helping Emil Novak do some set decoration to the soup kitchen location.
That's it.
Zombie Ink Comics wunderkind Kyle Kaczmarczyk was an extra and got some pretty good screen time.

So, that was actually "movie" news and I should mention it on my OTHER damn blog, but it's also just news, that's why I mentioned it here.
Although, during the screening, part of me was thinking, "huh, I wonder if this would make a good comic book adaptation opportunity?" I mentioned the thought to Kyle afterwards at the party at King's Court bar/restaurant on Delaware Ave., and he said, yeah, he was thinking the same thing.
But first, I gotta get my shit together and cracking on this February crap.
Later.

My February Challenge

February 7, 2010

Howdy!
I can't believe it's already February in this "new" year.
In two, well, it's after midnight, so actually in ONE more day I will turn 50 years old. That's pretty unbelievable as well.
I suppose I'm fortunate in that many people I know don't think I look or act that old, and as my vanity increases with each year-- hell, each day-- I'm genuinely pleased to hear that. But, even that won't last. I mean, the white hairs are really starting to come in, hahaha!
But, besides this significant milestone in my age coming up, mortality fills my thoughts either directly or indirectly due to other circumstances in my life.
Just over a week ago, a young man I knew, Scott, passed away due to an accidental and unfortunate combination of events. He was only twenty-one. I consider myself very fortunate to have made his acquaintance during his brief time, and to also call him friend, although, to be honest, we weren't close.
As a person he was extremely gentle and compassionate, but he was also a gifted writer, a poet. We both shared similar tastes in movies, so the last times we did meet I usually steered the conversation to either movies, or my personal creative projects or inquiring about his personal creative endeavors.
So, for very selfish reasons, I will miss him.

Today is also the second anniversary of my mother's death (BLOGGER'S NOTE: I'm re-reading this post in 2018 and I realize this is incorrect. My mom died in 2007, so this would actually be the third anniversary. Weird.).
Although she was seventy-four, her death came unexpectedly, too. Not suddenly, but unexpectedly. She had succumbed to a recent illness in the last couple months of her life.
Remembering this fact fills me with contradictory emotions, because to this day, I think I could have prevented her death if I had acted a little more aggressively in pursuing the causes of her slow home recovery. I had originally acted in her behalf positively to get her admitted to a hospital when she had taken ill and she was resistant at first to go, and for that I'm glad, because that gives me some solace that I had done that, because it was difficult (for an old lady, she could be pretty freaking stubborn).
But, I wish I had been more consistent in my diligence in the very last days of her life.
However, what's contradictory is, I also feel her spirit had been liberated once she died.
My regrets, are again, selfish. I grieve for MY loss. Although I don't think my mom would've chosen to end her life at that point, once it had happened, once she had crossed that cosmic, spiritual, whatever threshold, she was off into the next part of her journey.
Look, I don't know what that means exactly, to be honest, but I deeply believe that as souls, we are all on our own journey. And once we finish this journey on Earth in this body, then we move on to the next journey-- whatever the hell THAT is. I'll let you know what THAT is when I get to that point.
But both Scott and my mom have gone on. They now are doing... whatever. And they aren't coming back.
But, I'm still here, so I have to focus on finishing my own journey here.

And what the hell does that mean?
To me, I think it's at least two-fold: theory and practice. There's what you THINK you should be doing during this lifetime and then there's what did you ACTUALLY do in this lifetime? And perhaps, arguably, it gets more complicated than that.
Perhaps there's a progression of steps.
Perhaps, first, we get to a point in our lives, hopefully early on in our young adulthood, where we say THIS is what I want my life to be.
Then, second, we try to pursue that idea and the reality of life either teaches us we're wrong, or we're correct, or we're some fraction of right and wrong in what we thought.
But, as you get older, I guess you get to a third point, and that's whether or not the lessons you learned from living are totally correct, because if you live long enough, hopefully you start experiencing enough you have to reconsider what you thought you knew.
Ha ha, this gets complicated, too. Because this can continue on along two very different lines of thought (at least): do you reconsider what you think is true about the WORLD and the way it is? Or do you reconsider what you thought was true about YOURSELF? What's significant about each line of thought is, one definitely can be changed-- guess which one?

I'm not going to continue this, because, hell, I'm just making this up as I go along as it is, so I don't want to come across like I've found out some sort of wise axiom that I'm leading up to here. Because I haven't.
I was just remarking that I've been thinking about my mortality because two people I care about have died and any death of someone I know is not only sad, but it is also a reminder that death comes to us all and we don't know when.
So, quit acting like you have all the time in the world!

And really, when I say that? I don't mean "you," reader. I actually mean ME. It's a curious writing affectation I have that I tend to write of myself in the, uh, second-person.

I need to quit acting like I have all the time in the world.

So, one of the other things that happened to me recently was that I injured myself at work back in December. I ruptured the tendon in my left bicep while lifting a heavy garbage can at work. I had surgery on Dec. 14 and I've been home on disability since. Quite fortunately, I'm right-handed, so I had all these plans to draw while I was recuperating for three months.
Well, I started drawing in December, but then the holidays seemed to be too distracting.
Then, after the holidays, I thought I needed to clean my workroom before I could continue my "drawing therapy" so I could have a proper space to work (ie. at my drawing table vs. our dining room table), and that was actually a good plan, except that, after one significant day of cleaning I didn't follow through on it to finish the task.
And now, suddenly, from 12 glorious weeks of working on my own projects, etc., I'm down to four swiftly dwindling weeks left. Holy shit!
Yet another reminder of how short life is.

But, this reveals to me how naive or disillusioned I am. Maybe all my strong opinions about how I would create something is all bullshit.
There's another young man I know who currently is producing his own self-published comic books.
To be honest, I think his writing and artwork could both use some improvement, but I will say this: he produces. He produces, he produces, he produces.
Not just one comic.
Not just one series of comics.
But a number of comic book projects, and he's on the verge of completing another story arc of books.

I, however... I have YET to do one completed comic book.
Hell, I've yet to do one completed PAGE.
So, whatever criticism I have of this young man's efforts rings hollow.
Because I feel I can do better.
And I have yet to put up.

So...

So...

So... fucking what?
What's the big brilliant conclusion to all this? Why have I gotten off my fat ass to suddenly post again in my DA journal? (BLOGGER'S NOTE from 2018 again: DA = Deviant Art. I still have an acount at DA but I haven't posted anything in years there, either art or journal entry. But, because I posted so rarely on any of my various blogs, and I still am that lame output-wise, I re-posted my DA journal entry here.)
Well, I can't answer why for that, but I won't complain about anytime I do post in any of my on-line blogs, I'm so erratic.
So, let's just chalk this post up to the new year, as a sort of response to an "implied" New Year's Resolution.
And as for this post itself, what is its "conclusion"?

Well, I think I need to focus on finishing something.
So, I'm going to try and crap out some kind of comic book before I go back to work on March 8. Because way back when I realized I was going to be on disability for three months, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to actually produce something while I had the opportunity.

Let's see if I can give myself a really, REALLY, great 50th birthday present this month.

More to come.